For Grandma—最后的会话跟婆婆谈一谈

Even to this day, I can’t believe you won’t be calling anymore. I still believe you’ll call us again and talk to us, and you’ll be sitting in your chair, actually having something to do other than watching TV or just looking at the walls. It’s only been a week since your last call―you were saying goodbye, and I didn’t even have the chance to see you go; now, I don’t even get the chance to see you off. Out of all of your fifteen grandchildren, only one will be there. I’m sorry we all couldn’t be there for you. But I think you must be happy now because all of your children have gone to see you. Remember? You’ve been wanting your eldest and youngest sons to call you. Now you’ll see them before your long journey.
I see your picture in the living room, and you’re smiling, but you don’t look happy at all. You must have been so lonely that year and a half after Grandpa passed away. You came over and lived with us, but you weren’t happy here either. You then stayed with your youngest son, and we visited every Saturday, but you still didn’t seem too happy there either. We didn’t know how to please you, and I wonder if you just missed your home or if you missed grandpa. You left a few months later, and two of your sons went with you, but I still think you wanted all of your children with you. We went back to Malaysia years later―that was three years ago―and, when we left, you said it would be the last time we’d see you in person. I can’t believe you were right. We were planning on going back this coming summer. We should’ve gone this year… I can’t believe you died in the hospital. I bet you were still waiting for you children and grandchildren to go back home. I hope you can see that your children did rush to get the plane tickets when they heard you were paralyzed and had a fever. They just weren’t fast enough.

I really regret that we all can’t be there to see you off this last time. I saw you in the coffin Grandpa bought you, and you looked so sad as if you had just been crying. Your nose was so big from all the oxygen tubes they stuck to you. I can only hope you are not suffering anymore.

In your lifetime, you had adored my youngest sister. Mama and I had wanted her to go to you, but she wouldn’t have been able to make the trip. I hope you know she cried so much when she heard you were gone. She cried so much. I hope you know she will never forget you, just like we’ll always have you in our hearts.

Po-po, you led a hard life. I hope you have a safe journey, and I hope you see Gong-gong soon, so you won’t be lonely anymore.

I love you, Po-po. I miss you so much. I’ll always remember you, and you’ll always be in my heart!

我还相信你会打电话跟我们说话。我真的想不到你走了。。。 我真的还以为你还会跟我们说会,还会等我们。我一直看到你的相片,你还在笑。可是你好像不开兴。 你那时候是不是想念公公吗?那时候我们回去马来西亚,我真的不知道那是我们最后的见面。 我还想看到你多一次,可是你真的走了。。。我还不相信。。。


Written October 27th, 2011
For my grandmother, Yong Kimlan (who I called Po-po) when she passed away on October 25th, 2011
(Forgive the bad Chinese, I am not too fluent in Mandarin, most of my Chinese is Malaysian Chinese with Hakka mixed into it)