Snowflake Love

The snow just began to fall…

The white flurries that came floating down woke me from my slumber, but I paid little attention to them. I must have been lying on top of the frozen lake for hours now. My face was too numb to feel the icy white flakes dropping onto me. If he hadn’t found me, I’d probably been buried underneath the snowfall that was to come because my arms and legs were too tired to move.

I was only vaguely aware of my surroundings when another pair of arms lifted me into the air. The fact that I was found didn’t shock or surprise me. I knew who it was, and I knew i could always count on him to find me. It was the warmth he carried that shocked my cold body. I almost felt burnt as I rested my head against his chest, counting the beats of his heart. It was a lullaby that I had become so used to. Without his steady heartbeats, I wouldn’t have fallen asleep again so quickly.

The snow continued to fall…

The sound of running water woke me up.

The steam that clung to my shivering body made my freezing limbs tingle, so I guess the water must have been fairly hot, even though I couldn’t feel it even as I was thrown into the tub. The arms underneath me had disappeared, and the water soaked through my clothes, its heat allowing my blood to run to the tips of my fingers. My face was not spared from this wet onslaught, for a stream continuously splashed onto my face, forcing me awake. The water from the showerhead was relentless. Each time I breathed, I coughed out the water that managed to get into my throat.

Once the coughs lessened in their intensity, his lips captured mine, his head blocking the showerhead from wetting my face. His arms followed, wrapping my body so hard against his that, no matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t break free. But it was just an unnecessary precaution he was taking. I could never free myself before I succumbed to his hunger. This time, it was no different. Wrapping my arms around his neck, he knew I had given in once again, as I always would.

The water continued to run…

The snow had stopped falling.

Written Monday March 7th, 2011

Love & Pain 3

If there’s not another way, there’s no other chance
You’re far out of my reach
My one and only love

Only you know how much I love you
And because of this love, because I love you,
I’ll say what I have to in order to protect us both

Stay out of my head, stay out of my heart
Stay out of my life, and stay away from me

Because we both know,
Being together now when we can’t
will only serve to hurt us more

Written in my middle school years (2007-2010)

Seven Sisters

Seven Sisters
One as beautiful as the northern lights
Seven Sisters
One who’s jealousy gets the best of her
Seven sisters
Two that are never getting along
Seven sisters
Two that are content with their lot in life
Seven sisters
And one who’s already gone away

Written sometime in my middle school years (2007-2010)

Haiku Series 1 — Seasons

Spring and Summer come,
Somewhere, the leaves start falling
Winter is ruthless

Here and there, they come
The cherry blossoms float down
Life is so, so short

For a short while,
Fireflies come out to play
Summer’s here again

Summer is now here
Spring has come and gone away
Fall is coming soon

For Grandma—最后的会话跟婆婆谈一谈

Even to this day, I can’t believe you won’t be calling anymore. I still believe you’ll call us again and talk to us, and you’ll be sitting in your chair, actually having something to do other than watching TV or just looking at the walls. It’s only been a week since your last call―you were saying goodbye, and I didn’t even have the chance to see you go; now, I don’t even get the chance to see you off. Out of all of your fifteen grandchildren, only one will be there. I’m sorry we all couldn’t be there for you. But I think you must be happy now because all of your children have gone to see you. Remember? You’ve been wanting your eldest and youngest sons to call you. Now you’ll see them before your long journey.
I see your picture in the living room, and you’re smiling, but you don’t look happy at all. You must have been so lonely that year and a half after Grandpa passed away. You came over and lived with us, but you weren’t happy here either. You then stayed with your youngest son, and we visited every Saturday, but you still didn’t seem too happy there either. We didn’t know how to please you, and I wonder if you just missed your home or if you missed grandpa. You left a few months later, and two of your sons went with you, but I still think you wanted all of your children with you. We went back to Malaysia years later―that was three years ago―and, when we left, you said it would be the last time we’d see you in person. I can’t believe you were right. We were planning on going back this coming summer. We should’ve gone this year… I can’t believe you died in the hospital. I bet you were still waiting for you children and grandchildren to go back home. I hope you can see that your children did rush to get the plane tickets when they heard you were paralyzed and had a fever. They just weren’t fast enough.

I really regret that we all can’t be there to see you off this last time. I saw you in the coffin Grandpa bought you, and you looked so sad as if you had just been crying. Your nose was so big from all the oxygen tubes they stuck to you. I can only hope you are not suffering anymore.

In your lifetime, you had adored my youngest sister. Mama and I had wanted her to go to you, but she wouldn’t have been able to make the trip. I hope you know she cried so much when she heard you were gone. She cried so much. I hope you know she will never forget you, just like we’ll always have you in our hearts.

Po-po, you led a hard life. I hope you have a safe journey, and I hope you see Gong-gong soon, so you won’t be lonely anymore.

I love you, Po-po. I miss you so much. I’ll always remember you, and you’ll always be in my heart!

我还相信你会打电话跟我们说话。我真的想不到你走了。。。 我真的还以为你还会跟我们说会,还会等我们。我一直看到你的相片,你还在笑。可是你好像不开兴。 你那时候是不是想念公公吗?那时候我们回去马来西亚,我真的不知道那是我们最后的见面。 我还想看到你多一次,可是你真的走了。。。我还不相信。。。


Written October 27th, 2011
For my grandmother, Yong Kimlan (who I called Po-po) when she passed away on October 25th, 2011
(Forgive the bad Chinese, I am not too fluent in Mandarin, most of my Chinese is Malaysian Chinese with Hakka mixed into it)